so earlier today, shortly after i wrote the last post, my girlfriend dumped me.

i wish i were a fucking ghost. i wish i didn't really have to exist. i could just sit and watch and no one would notice me unless i wanted them to.

i can't stop thinking about her smile. i know it's cliche, but she had a really pretty smile. her teeth weren't perfectly straight, and they're really cute. and her eyes would crinkle up at the corners.

she had this piercing above her lip, and when she was concentrating, she would with it with her tongue.

i don't really think we were ever in love, not really, but my heart would beat faster whenever she looked at me, and god, we could have been.

it's not so much that we were so good for each other. we were unhealthy. she was high all the time, and i didn't know how to talk to her. it's that we could have been better. there were so many things that we never got to do. that's why i'm crying.

i gained weight again, but i'm not really hungry anymore.

i just want to die.

i wish i were a ghost.