I'll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams...

My sister came home for the winter holidays yesterday. Actually, screw it. She came for Christmas. It's Christmas. We celebrate Christmas. I'm not sure why, none of us are religious, but we do. I think it's out of habit. My mother's family is Anglican, and my father grew up Episcopal. He used to go to church every Sunday, but he stopped going in his twenties. My mother, who never really believed, fought relentlessly with her parents until they gave up on trying to force her to go. She's the one who really loves Christmas, though. Every year she goes mad over decorating until the house is covered from head to toe in garlands and wreathes and Christmas figurines. And nutcrackers. She's collected them since she was little, and by now she has an impressively extensive collection which she shows off every year with pride. She loves the Nutcracker ballet (she's actually leaving for the pirate themed dance along nutcracker in San Francisco in about half an hour), heck, that's why I'm named Clara.

So, yeah. She loves Christmas. I remember last year when she broke down in the kitchen while we were making date balls and listening to "There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays" and told me that the previous year, when we were living in the old house, it was around Christmas that she got the letter saying that we were going to lose the house. Of course, she never told anyone until January, she didn't want to ruin the holidays, but she knew that that was going to be our last Christmas at home. She still adores Christmas, though. She loves rituals in general. She loves knowing exactly what is going on. When she is going to the gym, when she has work, when she is volunteering at where, she plans it all out as far in advance as she possibly can. So when the holidays come around, and everything shuts down, she clings to Christmas as a sort of crutch, to distract her and keep her busy.

I love Christmas too, but sometimes I wonder if I love Christmas because I love Christmas, or If I love Christmas because she does.

XOXO
Clara