i know you're all getting tired of my shit, but i have to do this.

i don't want to be here. it would be so easy, you know? like falling asleep. i swear i can feel something. something dark. i want to call it a demon, but it doesn't feel like a demon. it feels like a hug. like there's something there, just beyond the cusp of my reality and it's wrapping its arms around me and whispering sweet nothings into my ear, just holding me and comforting me, hooking its chin over my shoulder and snaking warm, strong arms around me and keeping the broken pieces of myself together, but every time i try to get closer, there is nothing there.  i'm tired of there being nobody there. for once i want somebody to not have to ask, to just hold me because if you ask, i'll say i'm fine, but i'll be lying. i want somebody to just know.