"And now it's time," the walrus said, "to talk of many things..."

I feel really helpless today. Yesterday was wonderful, I spent time with friends, I barely felt depressed, just a bit under the weather. But today...
I feel lethargic. I wrote a few poems, sketched a picture that I'm going to transfer to scratchboard, but all I want to do is sleep. I'm not even tired, I just want to not be awake.
One of my friends told me he loves me. I don't know what to do. He doesn't even know me that well.
I can't believe it's almost been a year. It feels so short, but at the same time, I can't believe it's just been a year.
One of my friends tried to kill herself.
Another one relapsed.
A third tried to take advantage of me.
A fourth has changed for the worse.
It's a nice day out. Rather warm. I think I might go outside and just lay down and look at the sky and exist. It's nice to do that sometimes. Exist. A lot of people mix up living and existing. Living is busy and complicated and loud. There's always something going on, but existing? Existing simply is. I'm quite happy with existing. It's just living that's the trouble.
I'm really excited for Tom Milsom's new album.
I don't think I've told you, but I have a lot of trouble showing emotions in my voice and facial features. I thought you might like to know.
I listened to Eddplant's most recent album. I liked the acoustic version of "Nothing to Worry About" better. It had a beautiful sort of simplicity that very few male artists have.
I didn't eat yesterday. Or today. I'm not that hungry.
I learned how to play "Hallelujah" on the ukulele. It sounds pretty.
I have recently started focusing on art a lot more. Both visual and auditory. I like Ron Mueck and Jaymay and Salvador Dali.
I like that I don't have to pretend here. I don't have to be happy all the time. I can be the fucked up person I am.
Maybe I'll put a few of my poems on here. They're not very good, but they're readable.
One of the most annoying things in the world is when people come up to me and say, "Are you okay?" and I'm like "Yeah, I'm fine." and they just give me this look of complete non-belief and incredulity and say "Are you sure?" and I'm thinking 'Dude, if I say I'm fine, then either A) I'm actually fine and you're just being insulting, or B) I'm not fine, but I don't want to talk about it and I really would prefer it if you left me alone,' but I can't say that, so I just smile and say "Yeah, I'm sure."
And I am fine.
I may not be okay, but I'm fine.